Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
