i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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