she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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