I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
