I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You're a waste of cheezeits
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
