I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
