Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
