Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
