I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
