What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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