last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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