so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
