So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
