ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
