You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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