Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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