that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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