I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so much tequila, so little girl.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
