new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
