just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
