i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My feet surprised me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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