I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
