Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
