I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
