i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
