She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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