if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
