Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
