Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
