Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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