all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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