Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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