chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Randomize
