she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
