my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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