it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
