This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
