I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
