I don't remember. Are we still dating?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
