if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
