my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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