We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
