I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
