Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
