i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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