Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
