how do flat chested girls get laid?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
