Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
