Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
