I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
