do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
