i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
