He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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