Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize