Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
