We're facebook friends in real life
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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