Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
