The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize