Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
