yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
