i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
