Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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