Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
