sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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