there's paper in my vomit.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
