Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
