idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
