My sheets look like a crime scene.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
