I think i sorta joined a cult last night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
