Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
