That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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