I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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