Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
