He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
