11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
